Trust

So I haven't blogged in a while...life has been a little busy, and I haven't felt inspired enough to write sadly. Every free moment seems to be devoted to grading the writing of others...but that's a boring story for those who love grammar...

Every year I pick a word instead of a New Year's Resolution. It all started with my old roommate Jessica, and now it seems like a tradition that will stay :). This year, my word is TRUST.

Yes - Trust...do you know how many times the word "Trust" or any variation of the word "trust" is in the Bible? Too many to count...

I really felt like I needed to work on my trust, with God, with family and friends, with circumstances and situations. Not a bad thing I thought; now I know better. This year is only just beginning, and it is stretching me more than I ever thought possible.

I began student teaching this semester. A job I thought I would love, and I am quickly recognizing that I am wrong. I am not built for a job where you stand 8 hours, where you come home only to work until your eyes can't stay open a minute longer, where you have to keep up with 150 students, answer questions before you get a chance to explain, and find yourself repeating the same thing over and over again (mostly because they don't listen the first five times). While I don't have any job options in teaching in my area because of the budget crisis, I have to trust that I am going through this valley for a reason. Enter the need for trust.

I failed my certification test again. I've never failed anything, and I've failed this stupid test two times now, wasting money that I'd rather not think about for a job that I can't get anyone. Enter the need for trust.

I am watching my family suffer through some hard places right now, and I can't see why they are suffering. I don't understand what God is doing, and how it seems to keep getting worse. Enter the need for trust.

Then I watch the news - rather depressing isn't it? The world is going to end it seems (does that mean Heaven is near?!) Enter the need for trust.

Wherever I turn, God is asking one thing of me - to trust Him. I want to fix everything; I want to encourage everyone; I want to figure everything out; I want to know the plan. God has a plan, and right now, that's to teach me how to trust Him, in the good, in the bad and in the ugly.

I may not understand it all, but even tonight as I counseled one of my students, "don't you think God is bigger than all this?" I realized that I have been making him smaller than he really is. God is bigger than my minute problems. God is bigger than the job crisis. He is bigger than depression. He is bigger than ear infections and hives. He is bigger than everything - he created everything.

Yet, I stress and stress, wanting to do God's Will, and all the time, He just wants me to trust. He created me; he's not going to forget me; he's always going to provide for me.

So here's to a year of Trust...and hopefully, a less difficult word next year :)