Obedience can be painful surrender...

Today was a really hard day...nothing "bad" happened, lots of worse things could and have happened in my life, but for me, this ranks up there as one of those painful days that will remain in my memory for a while.

Now if you truly know me, you know my passion for high school students and helping them to understand how much God loves them and that He wants to have a relationship with them. I felt called to it in college, beginning slowly with camp and then building up at my beloved Salem Baptist Church. Some of my Salem girls in Mexico last year


I've always wanted to have the opportunity to do this passion of mine full-time. This past week I was given that opportunity, and today, God gave me His answer.

No.

(enter me): God, this is my dream job!

I have another plan.

(enter me): Are you sure? Cause this sounds like it...

Yep. I'm sure

By now you get the point...I now understand why Jacob wrestles with God. I never really understood why Jacob would even question God's voice, or that it was God's direction and plan. Now I do - I've wrestled with God this week....and I lost. (Surprised? :) )

Luckily, I came out without a limp - I guess I surrendered before I could get one of those. All I am left with is the promise of God's faithfulness (and a reminder of my little faith), and the hope that this path which He has paved is the one He needs me to be on. The one that will impact the Kingdom the most.

After all, isn't that why we believers are still here? To impact the Kingdom whatever the cost. Even our own dreams...all He asks is that we trust, shed some tears if need be, and move forward into the future with everlasting faith.

I sure hope I can do that :)

Finding the Old in the New

I've been a little busy the last couple months as you can tell - no posts=no free time. However, I've finished my summer classes FINALLY! I'm free for a couple weeks.

In this freedom, I've been house-sitting and getting some time "away" from the normal life, and I'm slowly discovering myself again. Is that strange?

I think when I moved to Atlanta, something died in me, and it's slowly being reborn. It seems as though in trying to find who I was, I lost the part that meant so much to me - the part that drove me every day.

For those non-Perimeterites, this week is GoldRush. Basically, there are 1,000 youth from all over the country here for the week being led by our youth servant teams. Everything is led and developed by youth - the worship, the drama, the small groups, the missions trips....it's pretty much the coolest youth event anywhere. I've never seen more growth at any other camps/conferences than I see at this one.

Anyways, just being there reminds me of my element - being with these students. It's been opening my eyes to remember who I am in Christ, and who He has created me to be versus what the world wants me to be. I think I've been walking the fine line the last couple years, and now I'm finally surrendering my pride, my ideas, and finally grasping on to the thing that makes my heart more excited than anything - seeing students come to know Christ, and know Him in a deeper way than they could ever have imagined.

I don't know what that means for the future, but I can tell you - I am finally excited about it and ready for the next door to swing open :)